My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
