Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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