One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
