The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
