hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
