Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
