Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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