I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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