yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
