she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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