I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
