she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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