I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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