How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
