i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
