I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
