Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
