I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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