I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
