what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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