glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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