She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
