The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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