Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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