Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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