Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
