She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
