You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
