i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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