i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
