420 ftw
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
