he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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