what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
