I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
