just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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