I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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