Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
