mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
