my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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