My boss' voice literally gives me gas
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
