eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
