??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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