And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
