that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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