I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
