In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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