2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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