We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize