so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
