scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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