My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
