Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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