I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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