Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
