I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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